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Learning to Fully Embrace the True Value of Being a Mom!

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Of all the titles you walk in every day, which one gives you the most satisfaction and personal pride. Which title makes you feel the most important, valued, and accomplished? Is it Mom? Or does successful business owner, minister, writer, manager, or blogger come to mind first?

Our society rewards women who “do” things outside of running a home and raising a family. Even as moms, we love titles like working mom, work-at-home mom, mom blogger, and stay-at-home mom.

As if the title Mom isn’t enough on its own.

As girls, we’re bred with ambition like it’s in our milk as infants. And while I’m an extremely ambitious woman myself and equally teach my girls to be the same, I had a very misguided perspective about how to actually be a mother today.

Maybe you do too?

I’m that mom who always dreamed of being a mother since as far back as I can remember. As a little girl, I had more dolls than made sense, but for me, each one had a name and a place in my make-believe family. I sat endlessly daydreaming about one day having a family of my own.

I remember borrowing my mom’s JCPenney and Sear’s catalogs to cut out pictures of baby furniture and other house stuff so I could make little collages with the cutouts on construction paper. I would lay out these imaginary rooms and let my thoughts play endlessly. I now know I was actually creating vision boards and didn’t know it!

Obviously, the doll stage passed me by, but the desire to be a mother stayed. As I grew into a young woman that desire only grew stronger. It’s funny, the things as a mother I sometimes take for granted now; are just the things I wanted so badly to do as that childless young woman.

In my early twenties, I would long to be able to do my grocery shopping with a toddler sitting in that little seat that I now use for my purse because all too often I go shopping alone. For obvious reasons!

It took us 4 1/2 agonizing years to get pregnant and one heart-wrenching miscarriage at 13 weeks, but motherhood finally came and I’m now a mom to three amazing kids. I’m seriously so grateful!

Related: Why Your Family Needs a Mother – Not a Martyr

Overcoming the Invisible Struggles of Motherhood

But no matter how strong my desire for motherhood always was, my heart was divided and I didn’t know it. Subtle seeds of insignificance had been planted in my heart all along the way. The insignificance of motherhood.

The value of motherhood in our society is slowly eroding. And no matter how much desire I had to become a mother; when the day finally came, I struggled to actually be a mother.

Are you struggling in motherhood now? If you are… stick with me, my friend!

Over the years, I always felt divided. Always choosing between my family and my work. When I left the corporate world while I was pregnant with my first baby; I went to work with my husband in our real estate company. I later added a high-paced ministry position at my church to the mix. I became a “Work-at-Home Mom” and honestly, that title felt great to my ego.

All this “work” made me feel valued and important. Meanwhile, the work I did for my family felt less and less valuable and important. These thoughts and feelings were buried deep; ones I didn’t even know were there. But they were always guiding my decisions and actions.

I prided myself on all the ways I “contributed” with regards to my work. Once a friend of mine made a simple comment about how she thought I stayed at home and didn’t work. I came just short of jumping down her throat about all the work I had to do. I was totally trying to validate myself in that moment.

Sad, when I think about it now.

Meanwhile, at home, I was absolutely in love with my husband and children but I was largely going through the motions. I was confused and overburdened. I would actually feel guilty for taking a break from “work” to fold laundry and play with the kids.

Yes, I had issues! I’m free to laugh about them now, though.

This cycle continued until January of 2013 when God took me by the hand on a life-changing journey. This journey was the start of my healing and changed my heart toward who I am and who I was called to be. The process took over a year and is still going.

I believe all change, good or bad, takes place in the heart – and mine was in desperate need of help. I was up and down emotionally all the time. It was simply a result of my heart being divided.

I devalued the part of me that was one of the most valuable… being a mom.

Related: Setting Realistic Expectations When Motherhood Feels Hard

The Harmful Devaluation of Motherhood

I remember as a teenager watching an Oprah episode featuring mothers. This was the early 90’s so feminism was on the rise. It featured a group of mothers who were divided into two sections on opposite sides of the stage. Working moms on one side and stay-at-home moms on the other.

It was a real drama fest. I remember wondering why these moms were so angry and took such pleasure in vilifying the other group. Especially, since they were both raising the children they loved… just doing it differently.

But I  believe some seeds were planted in my heart that day and I picked up a few more along the way. The moms who chose to stay home were portrayed as old-fashioned, lacking in creativity, and maybe even a little lazy.

I didn’t like that feeling.

Meanwhile, the working moms were shown as the only ones who chose to “use” their gifts and talents to contribute to the world.

I wanted to contribute to the world too.

I stood there that day believing the lie because I didn’t want to be seen as old-fashioned, lacking in creativity, and lazy by the world. So over time, without realizing it, I put my work up on a pedestal. Every day measuring my personal value by it.

I never had anything against moms who chose to stay at home and raise their children full time, but it wasn’t going to be me. I was a Work-From-Home-Mom. Can’t you see me standing tall wearing my flowing mom cape?!

That title sounded so much better. So much more accomplished. And it provided the bonus of telling myself that my children were better off because I was at home with them.

Boy, was I wrong.

Related: 4 Ways I Keep My Family First While Running My Blog & Business

 

The Title Mom is Enough All By Itself

But before I go on. I want to be clear that I’m not talking about the stuff I was or wasn’t doing on the outside. You know, my to-do list, my schedule, or my goal list. I’m talking about the condition of my heart.

If my main focus as a mother was about how I was viewed by others; I was truly doing a disservice to my family. It simply doesn’t matter if we work outside the home, inside the home, or devote all our work toward our home and children. If we have misplaced values, we’re doomed from the start.

As mothers, we were created to value our right privilege to be mothers. Raising children is the greatest calling on the planet. And we can’t get by with giving only a portion of our heart toward it.

What I’m continuing to learn is just how magnificently beautiful the gem of motherhood is. It’s priceless! I took the world’s word for it and undervalued what I had. And I thank God that His loving grace showed me the truth.

And the first step on the path to truth is to lay our coveted titles down – stay-at-home, working mother, work-at-home mom.

The title MOM is more than enough!

The truth is, these titles don’t mean anything, really.

Mom. Mother. Mommy. Mum. They don’t need any help or added credibility by adding anything to it. Mom is the most honorable title of all!

As women and mothers, we should be lifting each other up instead of pulling each other down.

Related: The Truth About Mom Guilt and 4 Steps to Get Rid of it Forever

Motherhood Doesn’t Require Perfection

Motherhood has a whole lot less to do with what you do and how you do it… but everything to do with what’s in your heart.

Motherhood doesn’t require perfection, it just requires your whole heart.

I’m so far from perfect! I’m that mom who’s always forgetting permission slips, showing up late or even on the wrong day for appointments, and never seems to pack enough snacks for my kids on days out. On many days… I feel like a real mess.

Please tell me I’m not alone on this!

But even with all that messy craziness, I’ve made it a point in the last few years to be fully present and invested in my kids. I now understand that my value as a mom and as a woman isn’t about the things I “do” but about who I “am.”

I AM a Loving Mom!

And I choose to lay down the guilt, the opinions of others, my doubts, my insecurities, and my fears. And just enjoy being the mom I am and not constantly comparing myself to all the other seemingly more-together moms I know and see on Instagram.

It’s not to say I no longer struggle with the realities of working from home and running a hectic home life. But I’ve learned to go with the flow more and fully understand the true value of motherhood. I may still feel divided between writing blog posts or doing the laundry sometimes, but I never feel divided in my heart about which is more valuable!

Do you struggle in your motherhood journey? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Motherhood can be so hard and so rewarding. Motherhood struggles are very real. Learn how to fully love where you are as a mom today! #Motherhood #MothersDayWhy the title Mom is more than enough! Start loving your motherhood journey today and leave those mental struggles behind! #Motherhood #MothersDayDo you struggle with finding true value being a mom? Stop struggling today and fully love where you are as a mom! #MothersDay #Motherhood

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Citra
Guest

This so sweet.. I like it

Ioana
Guest

I really enjoyed your article. I am not a mom and do not plan in the near future to become one, but your words truly impressed me.

David Allen Elliott
Guest

I can think of no other more honorable title than being called a mother. And I feel the same about being called Dad. I love nothing more.

Deanda
Guest
Deanda

I really enjoyed this post Brandi! I can totally relate to feeling like a mess with never having my ducks in a row in real life like they are in my mind. 😬

Kathleen Betancourt
Guest

love this, so sweet

Joanna Stephens
Guest

There is so much truth in this! As a mom, I have gone through that same stage of feeling guilty because I stay at home with my kids. I always felt that when people asked me what I did, and I responded “I stay at home with my kids”, there were so many people who judged me and rolled their eyes. I got to the point where I had to prove to people (most of whom I didn’t know), that I was more than just a stay at home mom.

Cheyla
Guest

I struggle with being a mom and value myself as a mom all at the same time. I love what I do and how I contribute to our family, but I still have trouble letting go of how I used to be and the goals and dreams I had to put aside to become a mom. I still struggle daily with the motivation to do the every day tasks that come with being a homemaker, but at the end of the day I feel good about what I’ve done for my children as a mother. There’s an odd balance.

Berlin
Guest

I love how you described it perfectly. Raising children is the greatest calling on the planet. We cannot give only a portion of us but the whole of us.

McKayla Butcher
Guest

Great article! Most of our friends and family don’t have children yet, so it’s a struggle to get them to understand that my job as a mom IS a job, and I don’t need to have another job on the side to prove myself worthy.

Katie
Guest

I think you reached into my brain and wrote exactly what I have been thinking for some time. I have often felt ashamed to say “no, I’m not working anymore. I’m staying home with my daughter.” The looks and comments I get from people, gosh they crush me. I’ve been dealing with this and praying about this for some time. God gave me the gift of being a stay at home mom… A MOM! I’m trying to focus more on that. Thank you for writing this.

Julie Plagens
Guest

I wrote about this, too! So hard to feel important as a mom. We are important to those around us in ways we will never know.

Clarice Lao | Camping for Women
Guest

I would have to agree. I am currently wearing many hats but my greatest dream is still to become a mom.

Nothing else compares.

Rebecca @ Strength and Sunshine
Guest

Moms are so special and believe me, their children value them so much 😉

nik
Guest

Loved the article. Never read a blog talking about mom in details before. Helped me relate with mom. Thanks for sharing 🙂

Naomi
Guest

Great post. The sooner that society realises that all types of mum matter and there isn’t a competition, women will be a lot happier.

Daisy
Guest
Daisy

I have been a Mom for almost 23 years and I absolutely love it… I can’t say I’ve ever really struggled with it at all…. I have just been blessed to have this awesome title and love my life 🙂

Jeanette
Guest

Of course Mom is the best, I prefer that title the most 🙂

Nives
Guest

To be the mum is the best thing in the world and I hope that you’re enjoying it – full time 🙂

Kaitlyn
Guest

I praise you mamas! I could not do it. It’s a hard earned and deserving title.

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